Let’s be careful out there
Rafael Heller
January
24, 2022
Every job comes with its own set of interpersonal challenges. As a
magazine editor, for instance, I work closely with authors to help them revise
and polish the articles they’ve submitted for publication. If you’ve ever been
asked to give people feedback on their writing, then I’m sure you understand
how delicate and uncertain this work can be — delicate because most writers
feel deeply invested in and sensitive about their writing; uncertain because no
two writers are sensitive in the same way. Some crave feedback and others dread
it. Some want friendly encouragement and others prefer firm guidance. In short,
there’s no single best way to interact with writers. You have to build a
different relationship with each one, trying your best to gauge their
sensitivities, gain their trust, and find a good way to work together.
Yet, as complex as the relationship between writers and editors
can be, it pales in comparison to the interpersonal drama of everyday life in
classrooms and schools. At Kappan, I work with just 10 or 11
writers at a time, most of them for only a couple of weeks, interacting mainly
by email. Teachers, though, are constantly “on,” wearing their teacher face for
hours at a time and building and maintaining individual relationships over many
months, with dozens of children at once — each with their own
personality, cultural background, family history, social and emotional needs,
fears, hopes, and random quirks. I can’t think of another profession that
requires anything close to this amount of intense and extraordinarily complex
relational work.
The opportunity to build relationships with students is precisely
what draws so many educators to the profession and gives them a sense of joy
and purpose in their chosen field. And many educators are highly skilled at
connecting with children, reading their social cues, responding to their
emotional needs, and figuring out how to motivate and engage them in their
schoolwork. But while some teachers make it look easy, that doesn’t make the
work any less remarkable.
Moreover, teachers don’t just build relationships with students.
They must also keep a close eye on those students’ relationships with each
other, helping them to create positive social norms, communicate
effectively, and resolve conflicts. And, of course, teachers also interact
constantly with parents and family members, as well as other teachers, staff,
and administrators, even while coping with organizational conditions — top-down
decision making, scarce resources, limited professional autonomy, and so on —
that tend to put enormous stress on relationships.
In the face of such challenges, educators must respond with care,
argue this month’s Kappan authors. Theirs is not the syrupy
care of Hallmark cards and Care Bears, though. Rather, they speak to the
imperative to take careful measure of the interpersonal
dynamics at play in preK-12 education. At a time of COVID-induced mental health
crises, escalating violence among students, and angry threats against school
board members, we must take special care to think about the words we use in the
classroom, the ways we behave toward our colleagues, and the working conditions
we create in our schools and districts.
This article appears in the February 2022 issue of Kappan, Vol.
103, No. 5, p. 4.
