MM 1093: Conflict Intelligence - Handling Difficult Conversations

 From Marshall Memo #1093

Summary:

Peter Coleman introduces the concept of conflict intelligence—a set of leadership skills that includes emotional regulation, deep listening, situational adaptability, and systems thinking—to manage rising workplace tension. By cultivating these skills, leaders can transform conflict into a source of creativity, trust, and long-term organizational growth rather than avoidance or dysfunction.

Danielson Domain:

Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities – especially 4d: Participating in a Professional Community and 4e: Growing and Developing Professionally, 4f: Showing Professionalism, especially regarding navigating interpersonal tensions in a school community.

“Conflict Intelligence” – The Art of Handling Difficult Conversations 

“Conflict and incivility in the workplace are rising, fueled by society’s increasing polarization,” says Peter Coleman (Columbia University) in Harvard Business Review. “To navigate thorny situations, leaders must develop conflict intelligence – a blend of self-awareness, social skills, situational adaptability, and systemic thinking.” Drawing on his studies of conflict resolution techniques around the world, Coleman and his colleagues say that leaders need these core competencies to successfully navigate conflict:

• Self-awareness and self-regulation – recognizing and managing your personal reactions so you can remain calm and strategic;

• Strong social-conflict skills – deep listening, balancing advocacy with collaboration, and checking biases;

• Situational adaptivity – knowing how to tailor strategies to fit different types of conflict; when to lean in, step back, and adjust for cultural nuances;

• Systemic wisdom – seeing the bigger picture, embracing complexity, and learning from past successes and failures. 

When leaders are strong in these areas, conflicts get resolved, there’s increased psychological safety in the workplace, and colleagues have greater job satisfaction, are more creative, feel empowered, and have a greater sense of well-being. 

Conflict intelligence is different from emotional intelligence, says Coleman. Emotional intelligence is about managing your own emotions and those of others and is vital to leadership. Conflict intelligence includes a broader set of competencies specific to managing and resolving disagreements. A key difference is the fourth item above: understanding social dynamics, situational factors, and systemic forces that affect disputes. 

Coleman lists seven factors he’s noticed in successful conflict-resolution situations (see the full article for examples):

• Laying the groundwork – identifying key players, establishing communication channels, and building trust;

• Growing rapport – taking steps that will increase each side’s confidence in the other;

• Balancing discipline with creativity – “If you watch master negotiators work,” says Coleman, “you’ll notice that they seamlessly shift between firm boundary setting and collaborative problem-solving, between public strength and private flexibility. One moment they’re establishing clear red lines, the next they’re exploring innovative compromises.” 

• Mastering adaptivity – different conflicts require different strategies and leaders need to pivot and use what works best;

• Seizing opportunities – “Skilled mediators,” says Coleman, “learn to watch for emotional turning points, informal channels, surprising areas of alignment, and other subtle opportunities that can transform conflicts.” 

• Leveraging the broader context – when things are at an impasse, leaders with high conflict intelligence look outside the immediate situation and find other leverage points;

• Aiming for generational peace – “Like peacemakers who plant trees whose shade they’ll never sit under,” says Coleman, “they invest in gradual changes that create lasting organizational harmony.” 

These skills help resolve conflicts and also inculcate in the organization the skills needed to handle everyday frictions. “By embedding conflict resolution skills throughout the ranks,” Coleman concludes, “leaders can ensure that their organizations thrive even in the face of internal tensions. That means moving beyond seeing conflict as something to be avoided and framing it as a potential source of energy, innovation, and growth.” 

“The Conflict-Intelligent Leader” by Peter Coleman in Harvard Business Review, July-August 2025 (Vol. 103, #4, pp. 46-55); Coleman can be reached at pc84@tc.columbia.edu.