Can
Teachers Be Amateur Counselors with Their Middle Schoolers?
“Tweens
may think bad feelings stick around forever, struggle to interpret feedback, or
have no idea how to make themselves feel better,” says Washington, DC school
counselor and author Phyllis Fagell in this article in AMLE Magazine. Here’s what an angry 14-year-old at Fagell’s school
experienced one day: she took offense when a classmate made an innocuous
comment about her weekend plans; she felt rejected when there wasn’t room to
sit with her friends at lunch; and when she was scolded by a teacher for being
chatty that afternoon, she yelled that she always got blamed for everything and
stomped out of the classroom. Sitting with this angry girl a few hours later,
it took a while for Fagell to get her to identify why she was so on edge: she’d
had a fight with her mother on the way to school.
Eruptions
like this happen all the time with young teens, who are seldom in touch with
the underlying reason that an argument, a slight, an or an ambiguous comment
can sour their mood. Fagell suggests some counseling techniques that any
educator can use:
•
Artfully reframing – “Getting disinvited
from a sleepover, bombing a test, or getting excluded from a gift exchange all
can feel like catastrophes,” she says. One trick is helping kids think about
the situation as if they were looking down on it from a hot-air balloon.
Another approach is walking through it step by step to the logical conclusion: Will it really turn out so badly? And if it
does, what will you need to cope?
•
Challenging distorted thinking –
Students “think in black and white, overgeneralize, and discount the positive,”
says Fagell. A boy might ignore numerous positive comments on a presentation
and obsess about one snarky remark about his voice cracking. Adults need to
point out faulty perceptions and ask kids to come up with alternative
possibilities.
•
Validating – There’s a tendency to
refute comments like, “You never call on me” or “No one ever wants to be my lab
partner,” but a better approach is to acknowledge the feeling and sympathize
with it: “If I thought no one wanted to be my lab partner, I’d be pretty upset
too.” Feeling heard makes it more likely that a student will be open to taking
the next step and solving the problem.
•
Listening actively and reflectively –
Repeating students’ concerns back to them, says Fagell, “requires
concentrating, matching a student’s body language, turning toward them,
eliminating distractions, making eye contact, and ensuring your tone, gestures,
and words are in alignment.” And no shuffling papers or glancing at your
computer!
•
Providing psychoeducation –
Counselors can help other educators in their school understand the difference
between depression and normal teenage mood fluctuations, and know when to talk
to a student themselves or make a referral to a specialist.
•
Scaffolding risk-taking – For
example, if a student has been taking tests in a separate room as part of an
IEP, see if she can take a test in her regular classroom with her back turned
to classmates. If a student is afraid of making a presentation to his class,
have him present to a few trusted friends or read from a script.
•
Asking open-ended questions – For
example, How do you learn best? What
excites you? What progress do you hope to make in your class? “Solicit
their opinions,” says Fagell, “treat them as the expert in their lives, and
speak above their maturity level to convey respect.”
•
Linking thoughts to feelings and
behaviors – “Tweens experience intense lows and are wired to remember the
negative, and that makes middle school the perfect time to reinforce positivity
and optimism,” says Fagell. Teachers might have students fill in charts on
their mood or hang their names on a clothesline that shows their emotions, then
discuss ways to turn around a sour frame of mind – and also savor and extend
moments of joy.
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